From
        the practice 
        A compilation 
          
        Client 
        Recently, I suffer from
        increasing withdrawal. Many times a day I get a flash of receiving a "bad
        message". It seems that the world is becoming a threat to me. I think deep within I
        am afraid of everything. I hardly come out of my home, anymore. What could that be? 
        CC 
        Let's go within together. You
        may start with feeling your feet in contact with the floor. Feel and watch. (After some
        minutes). Start watching your breathing. Feel the breathing out and in. (After some
        minutes). Keep contact with both the ground and your breathing, while watching the inside
        of your eyes. Is that comfotable with you? 
        Client 
        There is a lot of tension in my eyes.  
        CC 
        Okay, just relax and keep
        contact with your body. (After some minutes). You are not going anywhere, but
        instead - through the body - gaining a sense of the HereNow. Sooner or later, there will
        be an inner stability felt: you are "here" and your thoughts are
        "there", in front of you. There appears to be an inner distance between the two. 
        Client 
        (After some minutes). Yes,
        I can see that. I feel detached and my thinking is passing by.  
        CC 
        We can go one step further. While
        keeping contact with both your feet and the breathing your attention goes within: to your
        back. You feel the contact of your clothes with your spine e.g. trunk. Do you feel that? 
        Client 
        Yes, I do.  
        CC 
        Good. You may now
        imagine that your back is bathing in light. The more you stay in the HereNow, the sooner
        it will come.  
        Client 
        Is this the Cosmic Mandala
        exercise? Should I imagine the whole image? 
        CC 
        No, no, not yet. It is
        enough to feel the light, while watching e.g. seeing it.  
        Client 
        My back becomes warm. 
        CC 
        Just relax and enjoy it. Once
        the light has established itself, remember a moment of fear, like the ones you have in
        your daily life. 
        Client 
        That's not easy now. Everything
        is very quiet. 
        CC 
        I understand. Just
        invite a moment of fear to come up. When it comes, you "stay where you are".
        Recognize the fear and ask your depth (every moment your breathing out disappears into
        your pelvis): what is behind my fear? 
        Client 
        (After 7 minutes). Nothing
        happened until now. 
        CC 
        That doesn't matter. Maybe
        it is good to know, that in the mean time I did exactly the same exercise. So, you are not
        alone. I am in the same Space as you are. We are in the same Space. 
        Client 
        That feels VERY good. It
        suddenly gives the entire room a different quality. I feel part of a greater Whole. Deep
        trust enters my being. My body also resonates. A shivering runs along my spine. 
        CC 
        Very good. Be that
        Space and let everything else go. 
        Client 
        I had a flash of intense anger. 
        CC 
        Yes, I see it.  
        Client 
        O, my God. It is
        directed toward my little brother. It isn't anger, it is sheer hatred.  
        CC 
        You see yourself as a child
        together with your little brother? 
        Client 
        Yes, yes, an entire surge of
        images appears. I see myself as a young child. Very much loved by my mother. Then
        (after two years) my little brother was born. Because he was very weak, he immediately
        claimed my mother's attention, in such a way, that I felt acutely abandoned. 
        CC 
        So, what do you feel now? 
        Client 
        My anger has turned into
        overwhelming pain. My mother suddenly feels miles away from me, unapproachable. 
        CC 
        So, first there was pain? 
        Client.  
        Yes, I lost my mother. And
        my little brother is the cause of it. He managed to totally occupy my mother's love. Not
        only then, but for many years after, as well. 
        CC 
        Is that the cause of your
        hatred? 
        Client 
        It is. Of course, I
        had to keep it for myself. That's why I became very introverted. "A boy with deep
        waters" my parents used to say. 
        CC 
        But now you can see it clearly? 
        Client 
        Very much so. The
        Space HereNow makes everything very transparent. Everything is interrelated. First there
        was (is) this immense pain of having lost my mother. It turned into hatred toward my
        brother whom I accused of being the cause of my suffering.  
        CC 
        What about your fear? 
        Client 
        My fear is always there. It
        is directly linked to my hatred e.g. my strong desire (as a young child) to get rid of my
        little brother. It is the fear for my hatred being discovered. 
        CC 
        What would happen in that case? 
        Client 
        I had many dreams in the past,
        where "they" were after me. Trying to punish me for "crimes"
        I had committed. 
        CC 
        How do you feel now? 
        Client 
        It is the Space that makes the
        difference. It gives me the security I once was begging for. It somehow feels
        like a homecoming. My pain, anger and fear have lost their power. Is this Space what you
        call the Cosmic Mother?  
        CC 
        It is Her Light Body*. 
        Client 
        Joy appears at the horizon. It
        dawns to me that the "Mother" is giving me a second chance. She is fully
        accessible, so I feel my obsession towards my mam is dissolving. Moreover, there is no
        little brother standing in between, anymore. 
        CC 
        And there is no reason for
        being afraid of "the world" either. 
        Client 
        Right. It is a
        domino-effect. Once they generated each other, now they drag each other down into
        nothingness 
        CC 
        Haven't you forgotten
        something? 
        Client 
        (After 10! minutes). O,
        yes, of course. Neither my mother nor my brother is to blame. My mother certainly loved me
        but was incapable to express it  and my brother claimed my mother because he had to
        survive .....I should forgive them! 
        CC 
        Forgiving them means they were
        somehow guilty? 
        Client 
        (Silence). Well, eh, of course
        not. Both acted out of deficiency. My mother because she was overburdened, my
        brother because he was very weak at birth 
        CC 
        So... 
        Client 
        The human condition is that of
        deficiency. What the East calls karma. Once you see deficiency determining one
        generation after the other, everything can be accepted. Things are simply like they are.
        No guilt. 
        CC 
        I like the word
        "deficiency" as a definition for our human condition. 
        Client 
        Through becoming Space these
        conditionings disappear, though. Eventually, I am NOT my karma! 
        CC 
        Three days later my client
        called. His fear had completely evaporated. 
        Client 
        (After 4 months). I
        now grasp what you mean by "Cosmic Mother". She is indeed a miracle. Only
        Nothingness can unwind your inner knots.....Through daily worship these dark clouds are
        definitely gone for ever. I am a new man! My new insight in life: "How can you accept
        others if you yourself don't feel accepted!" 
        CC 
        May you always trust the
        Mother! 
        * In the Great Night
        Initiation one directly go into Mother's Dark Essence 
        NB. Obviously, this is a
        very personal record of one client. The sessions are always (very) different. Sometimes
        only the CC goes into the Depth, with the client asking questions 
        By
        Appointment  |