point I feel that I must make a confession. Besides all the blessings of evolving
wholeness, there was a problem that continued to haunt me. Despite (or because of) the
enlightened state, there was very little religious feeling. You do not have to
turn to the Divine when in Essence you ... Are It. So I didnt miss it. However, the
support from my Being was often very thin, the feeling of being abandoned far too often
overshadowed, so much so, that I had the feeling of being to the whims of circumstance.
Walking around in the wasteland with my Enlightenment under my
belt it did not always bring me what I expected it to. The risk arose of
identifying myself with my inner Attainment. It gave cause to constant inner
struggle. Especially in times of separateness, of fatigue, excessive thinking
or no resonance with my surroundings, it arose. Here the saying applies: "if you are
not it, then you work towards mastering it. The temptation then is simply great to
start boasting about it. After all, you know that you encompass the entire universe. Not
with your intellect, but by the Ultimate Realisation ItSelf. This awareness is
continuously there. Increasingly, the fearful vision of an endless struggle arose in me,
thus wondering whether this would continue until end.
On the other hand, I increasingly couldn't imagine, that it is
the intention of the Divine, to give one so much on the one hand and then manoeuvre
someone on a dead-end road on the other. Slowly it began to dawn on me, that Enlightenment
could not be Ultimate. At a certain moment I was convinced that there was something
missing in my worldview. So I started the quest for the Truth again. From my
own Realisation I knew that existence is bottomless. First, there is the Self,
then the Self solves in Satori, then Satori dissolves in the Great All-Embracing
Enlightenment. The latter in Its Ultimate stage is so transparent, that it doesnt
hold any more substance. The result is that there is nothing
between You and the world. A world where the tree again is just a tree and the
mountain again is just a mountain. Yet this is not the last step, because there is still a
physical death. Logically then the Transparency solves into something which is
Beyond. Suddenly I realized it. In the time of my Great Experiences I was
particularly impressed by the Light. What I had forgotten though is, that my breakthrough
had begun with the Cosmic Lightning: a Moment of Total Erasure. Only after that was I
included in the Eternal Light. There was thus an order to the process: first Absolute
Nothingness, then the Light. Conclusion: the Light originates from Nothingness, the Cosmic
Vacuum. By realising this everything fell into place.
The "Dark Night of the Soul" confirmed this again. After having vacated for ten
years on the pole of bliss, the pendulum moved suddenly to the opposite side.
Enlightenment appeared to have a counterpart. Ergo makes up this part of a two-unit: the
fascinosum and the tremendum*. The Divine is both positive and negative. Therefore,
suffering has such a great significance. The darkness is light enough to me says
John of the Cross. Unlike almost all (patriarchal) doctrines, it appears that
Enlightenment is not the Ultimate. Behind the dual experience must still be
something else. This is confirmed not only by my Threefold Realisation - the
Unity of Darkness and Light - but also by the logical mind. A pendulum can only move from
one pole to the other, thanks to being attached to the clock. There is still a third
factor in play, which makes the movement between the other two possible, an essential
factor, indeed. One that is a dimension "higher" than the others, or otherwise
expressed: there is still a Realm beyond Enlightenment and Darkness. Something in which
the latter two have their True Home: a Vacuum or Cosmic Womb. Only Absolute Emptiness can
You can compare it with a house; the furniture in the room exists by
the grace of the surrounding space. In the same way the Ultimate Void gives birth to the
Divine and the universe, while the latter continuously return into Her. So
there are two permanent cosmic forces: that of manifestation and that of returning to the
Source. There are constantly turning points arising. If you are in a state of Enlightened
Wholeness for a time, then it will sooner or later swing to meet his opposite. You will
then temporarily thrown back onto yourself. From a spiritual standpoint
the Mother thus gives you the opportunity to face your self-centeredness and
unprocessed parts with the aim of still integrating them into your New Identity.
* Otto R. Das Heilige (translates into "The Sacred").
If existence is indeed bottomless, then the Vacuum is the
Ultimate Bottomlessness! An incredible relief went through my whole Being. This was what I
had sought after. I had found my True Home. God did not create the world out of nothing,
but Nothingness gives continuous birth to God and the world. Immediately I saw
the entire picture unfolded before my eyes. Religion, history, mythology and even the
natural sciences confirmed the existence of the Vacuum. It can be led back to the
pre-historic Age when the Ultimate was experienced as the Cosmic Womb, from which
everything arises and to which everything returns. The great civilizations - from
Mesopotamia, Egypt, India and China - all worshiped the Great Mother as the beginning of
time, just like all the various creation myths of indigenous peoples. In fact, there can
be found remnants in all existing religions, pointing in the direction of a
process in which the Mother Origin was sooner or later replaced by patriarchal Gods. In
recent decades the Mother has been preparing carefully for Her Return. Then She pulled
away Her veil and showed Her True Identity! What a miracle, grace and joy. It means
nothing less than the beginning of a New Era. For me personally, this was the deliverance
from my identification with the Light. The danger of falling back into old patterns was
forever gone. Moreover, I found the final essence of life, consisting of surrendering,
devotion and worship. Unlike the Light the Vacuum cannot be reached, attained, possessed
She is the Void behind the Void, the ungraspable Ultimate Dimension. I then rediscovered
the feeling of genuine religiosity, awe and veneration, once again, something that had
been absent for so long. I even began to pray to the Mother, spontaneously kneeling down,
something that was even unthinkable to me a short while before. And the miracle is this:
Always whenever I come to a crossroads, in which I think I have to make a decision, the
Mother gives me a direction or advice through my dreams, with a clarity and strength that
its hard not to understand. While I (as I felt it) never has had a real earthly
mother, I instead found my Heavenly Mother. Hence my teachings - awakening, personal
integration, the unity with Heaven, earth and the community and the
breakthrough of the Light - now culminates in finding refuge in the Great Mother. In order
to survive, humanity has no other choice but obeying Her Law of the universe - dying (of
the old) and being reborn - to eventually becoming part of the web of life (once again).
After considerable hesitation - of about 33 years! - I accepted my mission: to guide
people to return Home, to the Great Mother, the Source of uninterrupted Regeneration!
Knowing my lineage I took on my new name: Servant/Messenger ( Sermes) of the
I embody the tradition
of the Great Mother with
Her dying and resurrecting Son/Lover
Some people suspect me to be arrogant. Calling yourself
"Sermes" is rather audacious, they say. I can honestly say that the opposite is
true. These people don't realize the full impact of the Revelation that was granted to me.
That's why it took 33 years.... or so, before I came to the open. During that time I have
done everything to sabotage my (future) Mission*. I felt, this was driving me into the
corner of "religion", the last thing which I wanted to be identified with. Many
years I have struggled with my calling. Thus the opposite was (is) true. During my whole
life I have been hiding for my True Self. A deep fear was behind it. Through showing who
you really are, you are vulnerable, with no defense against attacks of all kinds, so was
my thinking. To overcome this obstacle took decades. With every new realization of the
unavoidability of my public role, the fear went high again. At last I became rather
desperate, because functioning on a lower level than my actual one, created more and more
frustration. Periods of depression were unavoidable. It is only very recently, that I have
come to a full realization of the responsibility I have towards the Cosmic Mother. The
Mother is the Supreme Realm of the universe. She hasn't revealed Herself to me just for
nothing. I have entered the last stage on the spiritual Path: that of total Oneness with
the Ultimate. Pre-requisite is a inner transparency in order to not hindering the Mother
to manifest Herself. This certainly is a challenge. For every day, there are things from
within and without to overcome (integrate). My final discovery: through being One (with
Her) my sharing is optimal; through sharing my Oneness is optimal. Not like I sometimes
tend to think: first this and then that. It is also not a matter (anymore) of "should
I" or "should I not", but a sacred obligation to give Her all the credits
She - due to Her Supreme Position - inherits. So, I have come to the open now. You may
watch my website, especially the opening pages, where it is all written down. You may join
me in my permanent teaching, healing and training. In this chapter I have omitted
"my adventures" of the previous decade with Her. This has to do with a little
problem. As I am busy with another book, entirely dedicated to the Cosmic Mother, I am
considering to put that piece in there.
* If my ego would have been behind this all, then I
would have started my "guru-career" a lot earlier, don't you think so?
"In the beginning of my career (1972)
I hardly had any understanding of "spirituality". On the contrary, after
religion was forced upon me as a child, I resolutely rejected everything related to
Soon after You sent a wise man to me with Your
prophecy about my future mission (1972), consisting of the Parzival Legend as the
underlying dynamism ("archetype") of my entire spiritual life.
I was a little giggly about it, since this came to
me as from another world. Hence, I didn't pay any attention to it at all. Shortly after
the "incident" was forgotten.
In the mean time, You granted me extra-ordinary
talents as a (holistic) medical doctor, to the benefit of many. The energy You granted me
was well spent. With ceaseless enthousiasm I devoted myself to natural medicine.
In my personal relationship a lot had to be learned
though. This was proportional to all that "I had to endure", which wasn't
little. After having reached rock bottom You came to rescue me.
As a consolation You sent me a dream in which it was
guaranteed, that I would certainly arrive in the Light, anyway with the obligation to
subsequently become fertile.
Not that I experienced this as an "instruction
from above". At that time I had no idea at all, that You or whoever was behind it.
Only now - in retrospect - I realize that I as a part was directed by the Whole.
You helped me in taking a new step in awareness by
sending me Karl Graf Dürckheim on my Path, who taught me the way of awakening (Zen) e.g.
the discovering of my true Self (Satori).
After that - while I was taking a rest in between
the consultation hours - You showed me Your Grail Vision (1974), something that deeply
moved me. The meaning: "Awaken!, restructure your life and serve others" would
become the guideline for the rest of my life.
Only realizing much later that it contained Your
Message to the world (1974), after some time being followed - also without any doing on my
part - by Your instructions to writing the Ultimate Sutra (1977).
Next, thanks to Your unimaginable Grace - and
facilitated by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - suddenly and totally unexpected You granted me the
unique Threefold Cosmic Realization, consisting of destruction of my entire existence
("Absolute Nothingness"), immediately followed by dissolution into Your Eternal
Light Body ("Full Enlightenment"), together with descending into the Underworld,
which is Your Destruction Body ("Great Death") (1977).
As if this wasn't enough, You granted me ten years
of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987), again with Great Experiences and a carefree life -
living in the Eternal Moment (as a "lily in the field") - in which I was
wandering around as "God's fool".
This innocence was put to an end though. As had been
predicted by the Vision You then have let me suffer tremendously for many years
(1987-2010), in which I had to integrate the suppressed parts of my old self into the New
It was a time in which I was simultaneously
painfully confronted by "the world", a period in which, again by Your limitless
Blessings, I was also able to write down the stages of the spiritual Path (The Universal
Way), not to mention all other writings (The Great Learning) for which You gave me
inspiration. Thanks to You my teachings have become universal.
You know my vanities and my need for recognition
already before I was confronted by them. It consisted(s) of the temptation of using Your
gifts for my own purposes. Because You knew how weak I was to this, You let me enter into
this struggle entirely by myself.
To use Enlightenment for your own purposes is the
greatest temptation a human being can become confronted with. I was blessed, that I was
always keenly aware of the true nature of this struggle. Only after I was put with my back
against the wall, You held out a hand to me.
It consisted of revealing YourSelf - Cosmic Vacuum
e.g. Emptiness beyond Emptiness - to me as the Dimension beyond the Divine. Through this
insight I understood, that Enlightenment is not the Ultimate...through which the obsession
Contrary to the Light you cannot realize, possess or
attain the Vacuum. You may only entrust, surrender or devote yourself to It. That's why
not Self-realization, but devotion is the highest stage in spirituality. Praise the
I originate from Her ("Son") while
continuously returning ("Lover"). This is the greatest thinkable gift e.g. the
ultimate joy. It is what I Really Am. Hence, I proudly bear the name Solo
* Solo is existential; Sermes is functional. The
general name for people in the Great Mother tradition is "Mother-Worshipper"
("MoWo") or "Original". The latter because they are relating
themselves to the True Origin.
As if this wasn't enough, You sent Teresa of
Avila ("Magistra Universalis")* to me "to take care of me" (joke). You
granted me her as my spiritual sister, a gift for which I am immensely grateful. With
unflagging zeal she teaches me what is most difficult to me: surrender.
* I am grateful to all those, who inspired me
on my spiritual Path, in particular also Shinran Shonin and Jodo-Shinshu Buddhism, because
of their emphasis on "Other Power".
Most of all, I am grateful to Sri Ramakrishna
because of his life of devotion to the Mother. His Being is my Being (and all other
Being....). His example resonates with my deepest longing and gives me the courage to make
the last step in my life: a life of utter surrender to the Great Mother.
I am happy - in an earlier phase of my life - to
have written down all "my great ideas". At least I have fullfilled my
obligations toward society. The reality of everyday life is namely, that I - despite
myself - become smaller all the time and my aims accordingly. "Not my will, but Thy
Will will be done".
The fact that the worries (for tomorrow) are
dropped, is a good sign. That I needed such a detour is giving cause to great humility -
which says everything about my obstinate character - in order to eventually end up with
Beside it You are confronting me again and again with
my greatest weakness: the desire for recognition. In no uncertain terms You make me clear,
that self-centeredness and love are excluding each other. O, what a regret and remorse.
Will I ever learn?
Until you created an environment (three months stay
in Santa Monica, CA), in which you were guiding me in an amazing way toward complete inner
integration, while preparing the next step in life. Re-connecting my life to the
archetypical masculine (The Green Man), while committing myself to the crisis mankind is
in ("Healing the Planet in 10 Steps"), resulting in regaining my original
strength, while confirming my mission.
Finally, again after suffering and struggle, I became aware
of the fact, that You understand me far better than I do myself. That "I don't have
to do it myself anymore". From that moment on I started to give everything out of
hands, trusting that You will take care of it. Ever since - after 70 years - true peace
has taken possesssion of me.
What a luck that You make me continuously aware of
the fact that only a life of surrender to You, in which I will never cease to praise, to
honor and to thank You for all the exceptional Blessings, bestowed by You upon me, is the
only and ultimate fulfillment".
The last stage has only just begun. Through the
Grail Chalice the Mother showed me the ultimate purpose of life: to unconditionally giving
myself e.g. loving all "living and non-living beings". On this Path I am still a
beginner and will always be. I always look at the Mother: how She is pouring HerSelf out.
Humility and joy are two sides of the same
By the Grace
of the Great Mother, the All-Embracing Cosmic Womb, Queen of Heaven, Mother of God.