Chapter 10
THE GREAT MOTHER

3. MY CHILDHOOD

The beginning
School
Natural medical doctor

Abandonment
Self-centeredness
Jealous Monologues
The Inner Adversary
Catharsis
Identity
Kennemerduinen 1990
Japan and Hong Kong
MeiMei
Tribulations/Escape from the hell of the future
Brazil
Final tribulations

7. THE SACRED VALLEY
(“Sermon of the Valley”)

The Descent
The Depth
The Return

Looking back
Compassion
Renewal
Beauty

At this point I feel that I must make a confession. Besides all the blessings of the increasing wholeness, there was a problem that continued to haunt me. Despite (or because of) the enlightened state, there was very little ‘religious feeling’. You do not have to turn to the Divine when in Essence you ... Are It. So I didn’t miss it. However, the support from my Being was often very thin, the feeling of being abandoned far too often overshadowed, so much so, that I had the feeling of being to the whims of circumstance. Walking around in the ‘wasteland’ with ‘my Enlightenment under my belt’ it did not always bring me what ‘I expected it to’. The risk arose of identifying myself with my ‘inner Attainment’. It gave cause to constant inner struggle. Especially in times of ‘separateness’, from fatigue, excessive thinking or no resonance with my surroundings, it arose. Here the saying applies: "if you are not it, then you work towards mastering it’. The temptation then is simply great to start boasting about it. After all, you know that you encompass the entire universe. Not with your intellect, but by the Ultimate Realisation ItSelf. This awareness is continuously there. Increasingly, the fearful vision of an endless struggle arose in me, thus wondering whether this would continue until end.

(Re) discovery

On the other hand, I increasingly couldn't imagine, that it is the intention of the Divine, to give one so much on the one hand and then manoeuvre someone on a dead-end road on the other. Slowly it began to dawn on me, that Enlightenment could not be Ultimate. At a certain moment I was convinced that there was something missing in my ‘worldview’. So I started the quest for the Truth again. From my ‘own’ Realisation I knew that existence is bottomless. First, there is the Self, then the Self solves in Satori, then Satori dissolves in the Great All-Embracing Enlightenment. The latter in Its Ultimate stage is so transparent, that it doesn’t hold ‘any more substance’. The result is that ‘there is nothing’ between ‘You’ and the world. A world where the tree again is just a tree and the mountain again is just a mountain. Yet this is not the last step, because there is still a physical death. Logically then the Transparency solves into something ‘which is Beyond’. Suddenly I realized it. In the time of my Great Experiences I was particularly impressed by the Light. What I had forgotten though is, that my breakthrough had begun with the Cosmic Lightning: a Moment of Total Erasure. Only after that was I included in the Eternal Light. There was thus an order to the process: first Absolute Nothingness, then the Light. Conclusion: the Light originates from Nothingness, the Cosmic Vacuum. By realising this everything fell into place.

The "Dark Night of the Soul" confirmed this again. After having vacated for ten years on the pole of bliss, the pendulum moved suddenly to the opposite side. Enlightenment appeared to have a counterpart. Ergo makes up this part of a two-unit: the fascinosum and the tremendum*. The Divine is both positive and negative. Therefore, suffering has such a great significance. The darkness is light enough to me ‘says John of the Cross’. Unlike almost all (patriarchal) doctrines, it appears that Enlightenment is not the Ultimate. Behind the dual experience must still be ‘something else’. This is confirmed not only by my Threefold Realisation - the Unity of Darkness and Light - but also by the logical mind. A pendulum can only move from one pole to the other, thanks to being attached to the clock. There is still a third factor in play, which makes the movement between the other two possible, an essential factor, indeed. One that is a dimension "higher" than the others, or otherwise expressed: there is still a Realm beyond Enlightenment and Darkness. Something in which the latter two have their True Home: a Vacuum or Cosmic Womb. Only Absolute Emptiness can include everything.

You can compare it to a house; the furniture in the room exists by the grace of the surrounding space. In the same way the Ultimate Void gives birth to the Divine and the universe, while the latter continuously return into ‘Her’. So there are two permanent cosmic forces: that of manifestation and that of returning to the Source. There are constantly turning points arising. If you are in a state of Enlightened Wholeness for a time, then it will sooner or later swing to meet his opposite. You will then temporarily ‘thrown back onto yourself’. From a spiritual standpoint ‘the Mother thus gives you the opportunity to face your self-centeredness and unprocessed parts’ with the aim of still integrating them into your New Identity.

* Otto R. ‘Das Heilige’ (translates into "The Sacred").

The Great Mother transforms our deepest fears into liberation

If existence is indeed bottomless, then the Vacuum is the Ultimate Bottomlessness! An incredible relief went through my whole Being. This was what I had sought after. I had found my True Home. God did not create the world out of nothing, but Nothingness gives continuous birth to ‘God’ and the world. Immediately I saw the entire picture unfolded before my eyes. Religion, history, mythology and even the natural sciences confirmed the existence of the Vacuum. It can be led back to the pre-historic Age when the Ultimate was experienced as the Cosmic Womb, from which everything arises and to which everything returns. The great civilizations - from Mesopotamia, Egypt, India and China - all worshiped the Great Mother as the beginning of time, just like all the various creation myths of indigenous peoples. In fact, there can be found ‘remnants’ in all existing religions, pointing in the direction of a process in which the Mother Origin was sooner or later replaced by patriarchal Gods. In recent decades the Mother has been preparing carefully for Her Return. Then She pulled away Her veil and showed Her True Identity! What a miracle, grace and joy. It means nothing less than the beginning of a New Era. For me personally, this was the deliverance from my identification with the Light. The danger of falling back into old patterns was forever gone. Moreover, I found the final essence of life, consisting of surrendering, devotion and worship. Unlike the Light the Vacuum cannot be reached, possessed or realized.

She is the Void behind the Void, the ungraspable Ultimate Dimension. I then rediscovered the feeling of genuine religiosity, awe and veneration, once again, something that had been absent for so long. I even began to pray to the Mother, spontaneously kneeling down, something that was even unthinkable to me a short while before. And the miracle is this: Always whenever I come to a crossroads, in which I think I have to make a decision, the Mother gives me a direction or advice through my dreams, with a clarity and strength that it’s hard not to understand. While I (for my feeling) never had had a real earthly mother, I instead found my Heavenly Mother. Hence my teachings - awakening, personal integration, the unity with ‘Heaven, earth and the community’ and the breakthrough of the Light - now culminates in finding refuge in the Great Mother. In order to survive, humanity has no other choice but obeying Her Law of the universe - dying (of the old) and being reborn - to eventually becoming part of the web of life (once again). After considerable hesitation - of about 33 years! - I accepted my mission: to guide people to return Home, to the Great Mother, the Source of uninterrupted Regeneration! Knowing my lineage I took on my new name: Servant/Messenger ( ‘Sermes’) of the Great Mother.

“I embody the tradition of the Great Mother with
Her dying and resurrecting Son/Lover”

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT/GRATITUDE

"In the beginning of my career (1972) I hardly had any understanding of "spirituality". On the contrary, after religion was forced upon me as a child, I resolutely rejected everything related to it. 

Soon after You sent a wise man to me with Your prophecy about my future mission (1972), consisting of the Parcival Legend as the underlying dynamism ("archetype") of my entire spiritual life.

I was a little giggly about it, since this came to me as from another world. Hence, I didn't pay any attention to it at all. Shortly after the "incident" was forgotten.

In the mean time, You granted me extra-ordinary talents as a (holistic) medical doctor, to the benefit of many. The energy You granted me was well spent. With ceaseless enthousiasm I devoted myself to natural medicine.

In my personal relationship a lot had to be learned though. This was proportional to all that "I had to endure", which wasn't little. After having reached rock bottom You came to rescue me.

As a consolation You sent me a dream in which it was guaranteed, that I would certainly arrive in the Light, anyway with the obligation to subsequently become fertile.

Not that I experienced this as an "instruction from above". At that time I had no idea at all, that You or whoever was behind it. Only now - in retrospect - I realize that I as a part was directed by the Whole.

You helped me in taking a new step in awareness by sending me Karl Graf Dürckheim on my Path, who taught me the way of awakening (Zen) e.g. the discovering of my true Self.

After that - while I was taking a rest in between the consultation hours - You showed me Your Grail Vision (1974), something that deeply moved me. The meaning: "Awaken!, restructure your life and serve others" would become the guideline for the rest of my life.

Only realizing much later that it contained Your Message to the world (1974), after some time being followed - also without any doing on my part - by Your instructions to writing the Ultimate Sutra (1978).

Next, thanks to Your unimaginable Grace - and facilitated by Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh - suddenly and totally unexpected You granted me the unique Threefold Realization, consisting of destruction of my entire existence ("Absolute Nothingness"), immediately followed by dissolution into Your Eternal Light Body ("Full Enlightenment"), together with descending into the Underworld, which is Your Destruction Body ("Great Death") (1977).

As if this wasn't enough, You granted me ten years of uninterrupted Bliss (1977-1987), again with Great Experiences and a carefree life - living in the Eternal Moment (as a "lily in the field") - in which I was wandering around as "God's fool".

This innocence was put to an end though. As had been predicted by the Vision You then have let me suffer tremendously for many years (1987-2002), in which I had to integrate the suppressed parts of my old self into the New Identity.

It was a time in which I was simultaneously painfully confronted by "the world", a period in which, again by Your limitless Blessings, I was also able to write down the stages of the spiritual Path (The Integral Way), not to mention all other writings (The Great Learning) for which You gave me inspiration. Thanks to You my teachings have become universal.

You know my vanities and my need for recognition already before I was confronted by them. It consisted(s) of the temptation of using Your gifts for my own purposes. Because You knew how weak I was to this, You let me enter into this struggle entirely by myself.

To use Enlightenment for your own purposes is the greatest temptation a human being can become confronted with. I was blessed, that I was always keenly aware of the true nature of this struggle. Only after I was put with my back against the wall, You held out a hand to me.

It consisted of revealing YourSelf - Cosmic Vacuum e.g. Emptiness beyond Emptiness - to me as the Dimension beyond the Light. Through this insight I understood, that Enlightenment is not the Ultimate...through which the obsession was dropped.

Contrary to the Light you cannot realize, possess or attain the Vacuum. You may only entrust, surrender or devote yourself to It. That's why not Self-realization, but devotion is the highest stage in spirituality. Praise the Mother!

* Solo is existential; Sermes is functional. The general name for people in the Great Mother tradition is "Mother-Worshipper" ("MoWo") or "Original". The latter because they are relating themselves to the True Origin.

As if this wasn't enough, You sent Teresa of Avila ("Magistra Universalis")* to me "to take care of me" (joke). You granted me her as my spiritual sister, a gift for which I am immensely grateful. With unflagging zeal she teaches me what is most difficult to me: surrender.

* I am grateful to all those, who inspired me on my spiritual Path, in particular also Shinran Shonin and Jodo-Shinshu Buddhism, because of their emphasis on "Other Power".

Most of all, I am grateful to Sri Ramakrishna because of his life of devotion to the Mother. His Being is my Being (and all other Being....). His example resonates with my deepest longing and gives me the courage to make the last step in my life: a life of utter surrender to the Great Mother.

I am happy - in an earlier phase of my life - to have written down all "my great ideas". At least I have fullfilled my obligations toward society. The reality of everyday life is namely, that I - despite myself - become smaller all the time and my aims accordingly. "Not my will, but Thy Will will be done".

The fact that the worries (for tomorrow) are dropped, is a good sign. That I needed such a detour is giving cause to great humility - which says everything about my obstinate character - in order to eventually end up with simplicity.

Until you created an environment (three months stay in Santa Monica, CA), in which you were guiding me in an amazing way toward complete inner integration, while preparing the next step in life. Re-connecting my life to the archetypical masculine (The Green Man), while committing myself to the crisis mankind is in ("Healing the Planet in 7 Steps"), resulting in regaining my original strength, while confirming my mission.

Finally, again after suffering and struggle, I became aware of the fact, that You understand me far better than I do myself. That "I don't have to do it myself anymore". From that moment on I started to give everything out of hands, trusting that You will take care of it. Ever since - after 65 years - true peace has taken possesssion of me.

What a luck that You make me continuously aware of the fact that only a life of surrender to You, in which I will never cease to praise, to honor and to thank You for all the exceptional Blessings, bestowed by You upon me, is the only and ultimate fulfillment".

The last stage has only just begun. Through the Grail Chalice the Mother showed me the ultimate purpose of life: to unconditionally pouring myself out e.g. loving all "living and non-living beings". On this Path I am still a beginner and will always be. I always look at the Mother: how She is pouring HerSelf out.

Humility and joy are two sides of the same coin.  

Praise the Mother! Gratitude.

By the Grace of the Great Mother, the All-Embracing Cosmic Womb, Queen of Heaven, Mother of God

Om Svahá
(Most Blissful Cosmic Womb)

Excursion: Teresa of Avila

In Teresa of Avila all mystical qualities come together. She distinguished herself by exemplary behaviour on almost all walks of life: spiritual and secular, including openness, honesty, insight, subtlety, effectiveness, courage, devotion, humor, compassion and strength. In addition, she was also a child of her time. Hence, for example, she had no other choice than to express herself in accordance with the rules of the church. In fact, her Enlightened State was beyond every thought or belief. Her lifelong struggle played out between "being herSelf" and the requirements of the institution in which she participated. This was not very easy, since the scourge of the Inquisition in all its severity went round. Much of her work must therefore be read ‘between the lines’. Other passages comprise more or less of open criticism of the church, the Inquisition, the inferior position of women etc. In particular, her practice of ‘inner prayer’ was at some point considered suspicious (...), because of the ‘danger of quietism’ realizing the Divine! (condemned as ‘Illuminism’). This became particularly evident if you compare her two (three) versions of ‘The Way of Perfection’*. The first ( ‘Escorial’) is still (relatively) candid and carefree, in the second (‘Valladolid’), many of these open passages were censored. And then to imagine that with the first version the Inquisition had been peering over her shoulder, already! This leads to the (widespread) belief that all true mystics are in fact universal. Deep inside they belong to no religion. This is confirmed by the fact that all mystics speak the same language, regardless of their (forced) formal membership of a particular religion **. Look at Eckhart, Suso, Ruusbroec, Rumi, Ibn Arabi, Kabir, Sri Ramakrishna and countless others. Teresa distinguishes by being able to excellently deal with it, her path is an ‘Integral Path’ in the true sense of the word. That is why we honor this exceptional Mystic, Enlightened Teacher (and Doctor of the Church ...) with the title she deserves: ‘Magistra Universalis’.

* See "Collected Works of Teresa of Avila", translated by E. Allison Peers.

I recognize so much in Teresa, that I am repeatedly struck by it. It starts with biographical details. It stems from the so-called ‘conversos’, a mixture of Spaniards and Jews. I stem from a Spaniard who deserted (about the same time that Teresa lived) and after the withdrawal of the Spaniards in the Netherlands he stayed behind. Like me she also loved to knights tales and had in all likelihood read ‘Parcival’. This inspired her to write ‘The Inner Castle’. A major obstacle on the way to surrendering for her was overcoming her ‘pride’, something I know all too well from my own life. Then her ‘inborn’ motive for reform, life in her first monastery was far too easy for her, hence the founding of a new order based on the ‘original rule’. Tying in to the tradition - and therefore transforming the present reality - is something which is a core part of my teaching. Then her Great Experiences, everything she describes in her book, I can confirm from my own experience, often down to the smallest details. It leads time and again to moments of great emotion. Joy and tears then arise in me. So I can’t get enough of always opening a book of hers. Reading a small piece is often enough. There is so much that immediately ‘arises’, that shortly after I put the book away. I share her uncompromising passion for the Truth. Not that she could always show it openly. The church with its inquisition sat constantly on her back. She had to be diplomatic. For the good listener, however, she is crystal clear. She sees the God experience as the foundation of religion. It is the fountain that fertilises life uninterruptedly. All other things are secondary. Since it is greater than yourself, it is only natural to share it with others. Hence her restless efforts to strengthen her new order and settle anywhere. This unity of contemplation and action is etched in my soul. Like her, I know as ‘prisoner of Eternity’ the excecutive of ‘the will of the Ultimate’.

A Miracle
Pilgrim Care

Recently I felt the time increasingly coming closer to the point in which I ‘had to bear my cross’. Until then I had lived - not that it was always comfortable - in the protective Dimension of the Mother. There was a swinging back and forth between dissolving on the one hand and the urge to act on the other. Then there would follow a period in which ‘the Mother would show me the way’, while at other moments I reproached myself for being to easy. The chance came in the spring of 2004, when an ‘old plan’ of mine could suddenly be achieved. Friends of us were - miraculously - ready to move to northern Spain to set up an emergency station for PilgrimCare on the route to Compostela. The local population of the town - the beautiful Estella - were so excited about our initiative, that for the summer time they granted us a free space on a major street. Our project consisted of giving free pain treatments (as well) with Chinese guasha therapy *. Off we went to Spain, the country of Teresa of Avila. On my way to Spain the urge to first drive through to Avila was so great, that I went there without even stopping along the way. It was the spiritual ‘excitement’ which I knew when a special resonance was ahead of me. I intuitively felt that I had to go to Avila. It is as if seeing my precious sister again after being apart for more than 40 years. And Teresa was (is) more than a sister to me....

Once in Avila I immediately ran to the monastery ‘Encarnación’, the monastery where she spent her first time. Once arrived I saw a large crucifix in the courtyard. Because I always felt crucifixes were pushy – for example crucifixes on top of mountains, hills and rocks always annoyed me – now however there was a subtle curiosity to come closer. The closer I came to it, the greater my gentleness became. Until I - I could not believe it myself - touched the crucifix with a certain tenderness. Well, that was quite a shock. There was an immediate peace that arose in me from head to toe. By the touch it was clear that an inner resistance had dropped off. I realized that this was my last barrier. Now there was no more resistance, the significance of the event dawned on me. By allowing the cross, I simultaneously ‘bore my own cross’, the willingness to embrace the role, for which ‘I had come into this world’. The opposition within me was in fact the refusal to commit. Oh, what a discovery that was. After the initial joy, the new courage and clarity about what had happened, there were also flashes of ‘having to give up the comfortable life’. Not that that hadn’t happened before. Regularly, I had visions about it. Now it seemed only more definitive.

Walking back to the city and pondering on what I had just experienced suddenly and unexpectedly a Spanish- large- bread fell to the ground, right in front of me. Immediately I looked up.... nothing to see, only closed windows and empty balconies. No sound or movement to discern, nothing at all. The bread had literally come down out of a ‘clear sky’. I was perplexed. With amazement I took the bread in my hands. I tried to grasp what just happened. Of course, the sense of coincidence dominated. I hardly bestow ‘meanings’ onto of events. But this was quite striking. The great anticipation of wanting to be ‘close to Teresa’, then a convent with the name ‘incarnation’, the small miracle of the ‘bearing of my cross’, then the concerns about it, namely ‘how I would survive in daily life’ and immediately upon ‘that heavenly bread’. Before waving it off (as usual), I thought ‘why shouldn’t I also experience a miracle’.... Okay, I decided it was a miracle. I thus do not have to worry about my ‘daily bread!" Suddenly I remembered the following biblical text, ‘Strive to reach the Kingdom and the rest shall be given you’. At that moment I realized the truth of that statement. I felt courage and strength flow into me, exactly that which I had always overlooked. A deep gratitude towards Teresa arose. Thank you sweet sister, you are so good to me.

Through the Castilian hills back to Estella, would be the beginning of a very joyful time when we together with a number of (changing) friends daily helping the pilgrims. The choice of Estella turned out to be optimal in more than one degree. Most pilgrims begin their route on the French-Spanish border. They must walk for four whole days down steep slopes to reach the valley of Pamplona. Since most pilgrims are not experienced – plus the great strain on the body - they arrive in Estella with a large number of hip, knee, ankle to back and shoulder pains). The Chinese guasha therapy turned out to be a golden method. It is ideally suited for this type of complaints. Most could hardly believe their eyes, that after ten or twenty minutes of treatment – definitely no longer - the pain was completely gone. How many have we seen limping in, while with total and utter amazement and with cries of great joy left our station dancing?* One day was busier than the next. Sometimes there were only a few pilgrims, sometimes even more than thirty. The joy was contagious. Anyone who came to help was cheerful. Helping people in this way was not heavy, strenuous or exhausting. Everyone got energized. The miracle of the ‘rapid healing’ spread through the city as well. We were therefore shortly after granted an interview in the local newspaper. The effect was that the local population at a given moment could also find us.

* For people who ‘want to see it in reality’ we have made a video. It can be ordered.

Estella was special, not to the least because of my frequent visits to the local Madonna, the ‘Virgen del Puy’. Her effigy was in a church on a hill, as so often in Spanish churches She was at the centre of it, while a (small) cross was placed somewhere inconspicuously on the side. The icon had a fine face, and on her head she bore a crown. She wore a silver dress and also stood on a silver crescent moon (symbol of the Great Mother). She had an exceptional subtlety. Immediately after entering the church, I was ‘caught’ by Her Presence. Having my gaze fixed on her, I soon became (in all brightness) totally absorbed by her smile. While everything dropped from me - there was nothing left between us.....She taking my breath away...... Her face coming to life..... I watching Her continuously, and then She began truly smiling at me... A deeply loving and affectionate smile - as sweet as I had rarely seen - caused a fountain of joy to arise. A ‘piece’ of Eternity took possession of me. Very often tears flowed down my cheeks. What a gratitude!

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Last update:02/21/09